A boy storms down the hallway in a furious rage, yelling back to his girlfriend some of the vilest, derogatory names that he doesn’t even call his worst enemies.

You’ve just witnessed an abusive relationship in action. Jennifer Basilone, HHS guidance counselor, says that in HHS, abusive relationships don’t have a high frequency, but, “there are some instances of people being a little more controlling than is healthy or a little more emotionally inappropriate than is healthy.” While they do not occur often in HHS, abusive relationships are not as sporadic as you might think. According to research firm Teenage Research Unlimited, abusive relationship frequencies are quite high. One in four girls that are involved in a relationship have reported being verbally abused on numerous occasions. One in three teenagers has reported knowing somebody who has been physically abused by his or her partner. On top of that, 80 percent of girls that have been physically abused by their partners continue to date them.

The truth is, and I’m speaking from personal experience, that love is not supposed to hurt emotionally, physically, or mentally and nobody deserves to be confined to a situation, such as that. I was in an abusive relationship for over a year. I endured, physical, mental, emotional, and psychological pain on a near daily basis, because of my low self-esteem and abandonment issues (both of which I sought help for post-relationship). While in this relationship, I wasn’t allowed to spend time with my closest friends and family. I had to see her every day of the week. Her demands took a toll on my schoolwork, my family, my social life, and my mental and physical health. These feelings, I realize now, are not healthy for a relationship or any individual. I would strongly recommend to anybody enduring an abusive relationship to cut free as soon as possible.

According to the book In Love and in Danger by Barrie Levy, you can tell if you are in an abusive relationship if you or your significant other:

• Are frightened by your/their temper
• Are afraid to disagree with each other
• Apologize to your friends or to yourself when you/they treat you badly
• Are frightened by their violence toward others
• Have been hit, kicked, shoved, or had things thrown at you
• Avoid seeing family or friends because of their jealousy
• Have been forced to have intercourse
• Are forced to justify everything you do, every place you go, and every person you see
• Have been wrongfully accused of flirting or having sex with others
• Are unable to go out without his or her permission
• Have become secretive, ashamed, or hostile towards your parents, because of this relationship

If you are seeking to end a relationship of this caliber, I highly suggest speaking to your guidance counselor, teacher, family member, and close friends. You might also read two books from our library: “Should I Leave Him?” by Carol Doss and “In Love and in Danger” by Barrie Levy.  Another way to seek support would be to call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474.