Throughout the month of March, many couples in Hawthorne High School broke up for some very peculiar reasons. The Clarion is here to report to you why these couples ended their relationships:

Brandon Parker and Lara Bookholt: Lara and Brandon were recently at the gym when Lara challenged Brandon to a squat-off. Whoever squatted the highest weight would win. Lara beat  Brandon fair and square, carrying a total of nine hundred and sixty-two pounds on her back. Brandon was devastated over losing and broke up with her on the spot.

Ryan VanderWerf and Bella Kowalski: Ryan came home after a long baseball practice and was so excited to see his dog, Maggie, but little did he know, Bella sold his dog on eBay. He got so heated that he decided to sell HER on eBay and then proceeded to break up with her.

Chris Hascup and Carly Spirito: Carly deflated the ball at the Pompton Lakes vs. Hawthorne game. Coach John Passero recently found out and warned Chris Hascup. Chris was furious and therefore broke up with Carly. The football team has a rematch scheduled on the Fourth of July at 12:03am at the Ice Vault in Wayne.

Luke Sousa and Callie Keyzer: Luke was competing for the title of Mr. Hawthorne a few weeks ago. During the fashion round of the show, Luke wore Callie’s favorite dress without her permission. She was furious. To make things even worse, he ripped her dress because it was too tight on him. Then, he lost the title of Mr. Hawthorne to Mike Dietrich so the ripped dress was not even worth it. Callie was so outraged that she ran onto the stage while Mike was being crowned and broke up with Luke.  

Andrew Figueroa and Allison Curtin:  Allison and Andrew were at Andrew’s house when she stole his favorite doll, Elsa from Frozen. After taunting Figueroa with the doll, Curtin threw it out of the window. Elsa was then run over by a semi-truck. Andrew ran downstairs to check on the health of his precious doll. Her head was clean off of her body. This was when Curtin ran to him screaming. Allison proceeded to break up with Andrew because he loved his doll more than he loved her.

Laith Matari and Kim Corrales: Laith invited Kim over for Eid (Ramadan) dinner and she brought over a pig ready to roast for the whole Matari family to eat. Leah, Laith’s sister, then proceeded to punch Kim in the face since the pig was an insult to the Muslim religion. Laith was broken hearted and ended the relationship with Kim.

Tom Dutzar and Sarah Brown: Tom and Sarah were at rehearsal for the upcoming play when Tom stage kissed Dan Cassini and Sarah witnessed the whole entire thing. She ran onto the stage, slapped Tom across the face, and broke up with him right there in front of everyone.

Maybe these couples will end up working out their problems but for now, I think we can all agree that they need some time away from each other. The Clarion wishes them all the best of luck with their love lives!