Psychological Thriller: Something is off at HHS!


Jack Farnum-Huelster, Staff Writer

You’ve felt it, haven’t you?

You come back to school after the eight weeks of summer allotted to you, ready for your best year at HHS yet. But something doesn’t feel quite right.

Is it your classes? No. You like your teachers and your schedule is good for you. You got all the classes you wanted, even that AP class you’re ready to tackle. What could it be then, if not anything related to your education?

Is it because Ms. Rivas left? No, that’s ridiculous. You never even had her. In fact you don’t even know what she looks like. You only heard she left this year from a friend. So whatever is bothering you, it has nothing to do with her, or any other teacher that seems to be missing from years past.

Is it the new track? No, that bothered you last year for a bit but you’re well used to the new, bright blue design by now.

Then, it slowly sets in.. Yes! You figured it out! Your first breakthrough! It’s.. your classmates? But.. what about them exactly? They’re the same as before. Nothing seems to have changed about the way they are during the summer. They’re the same old peers you’ve been with since elementary and middle school. Some you like, some maybe you don’t, but they’re still the same. So why does something seem so odd? It’s not with all of them though, only a few. Then… the revelation!

It’s not the way they’re acting. It’s how they look! Wait.. the way they look? Did you ascend to a new personal standard of beauty over the summer? No, that’s ridiculous. They all look fine. You’re not all of a sudden some narcissist that thinks you’re the best looking person in the school and that everyone should bow down to your glowing, enchanting appearance as if you’re a Greek god. You’re still the same you. But that “off” feeling keeps persisting.

You know you’ve narrowed it down. It MUST have something to do with some sort of change in your classmates but.. you’re pooped. You shifted every single one of your brain cells into maximum overdrive, and yet you feel as though you’ve come up with nothing. Maybe nothing changed in the first place, and you’re just getting false memories of what should be..

As you warp back to reality, you realize you just wasted a large portion of period time in Math class daydreaming about this “problem.” Disoriented and barely conscious, you awaken from a lucid dream. Your eyes wander the class as you attempt to figure out how long you’ve been subconsciously absent and how many notes you missed. First, you look at the clock. Class is almost over. Your desperate eyes drift toward your classmate next to you. Maybe he can get you the notes you missed. Then, suddenly something slowly clicks as you look at him. Hair.. blonde.. blonde.. hair? Blonde hair? Blonde.. Hair! Yes! That’s it! Blonde Hair! You figured it out! His hair is blonde! But last year it was brown! Many of those that you’ve known in the past to have brown or black hair have suddenly gone…Blonde! I mean, it’s not magic (obviously!) They just dyed their hair. So just like that, you’re finally at peace. You solved your inner dilemma. It feels as though nothing in the world matters now.

…Why? Wait, no! It isn’t over yet! You’re not happy! You will never be happy until you have the why! WHY did so many people suddenly decide to go Blonde! You MUST have the answers! Once again, nothing but this matters. You muster all of your mental strength toward this one objective as everything else ceases to matter. Finding the WHY to all of this. Schoolwork? You can take a few homework hits if you must. Studying? Nah, it’s too early in the year for anything like that. Actual work? Pff, you can afford to get fired. ShopRite is starting at $11 anyways and you make minimum wage at your place. Nothing will get in your way as you set out to have all the answers.

Well pal, you’re in luck, because I have the answers you seek. I asked Trevor Savage, a victim.. er, participant in this anomalous hair shift as to why so many students decided to go blonde. He said,“I, uh, I don’t know, we all just kinda did it”

Well, there you go. It seems to have been a coordinated effort, but none of them are really sure why. It just kinda happened. I hope you can find peace with this final conclusion the way I was able to.