The Need For Cheese Rolling

The Need For Cheese Rolling

Rufus T. Firefly, Staff Writer

For as long as I can remember, my life has revolved around cheese. I kid you not: one of my first memories is of my mom’s smiling face and a dish of pecorino ramano cheese.

As I wander the halls of Hawthorne High School, I often find myself wondering (out loud and much to the chagrin of security) why there isn’t more cheese in this wonderful building?

It was then that I realized, the need for a cheese rolling team. Please, hear me out.

Every year in Lower Uncton, England competitors take part in a cheese rolling event at a place called Cooper’s Hill. According to Pappy DeShire, head of the cheese rolling event, “…It works pretty simple. A large wheel of cheese is rolled down a hill, and people then chase after it. The first person to get to the bottom of the hill first, wins the cheese.”

This could be the cheapest sport HHS has ever had to fund. All the cheese rolling team would need, is a hill and a wheel of cheese. John Puzo, owner of Puzo’s Restaurant here in Hawthorne, already has stated that he would gladly donate the wheel of cheese.

Vice Principal Craig Jandoli has already offered his services to coach the team. “This is a dream come true,” said Jandoli, “especially for cheese fans. I cannot wait for this to become a reality and start training our young boys and girls to chase the cheese.”