New Standardized Testing 2024


Juliana Bajramoski, Staff Writer

The acting commissioner of the Department of Education of NJ, Angelica Allen-McMillan, made an announcement last week that will makes students groan and have stockholders of Pearson dancing in the streets: Starting in April of 2024, the state of New Jersey will be instituting a new standardized test that ALL public school high school students will have to take.

Maxwell Smart, assistant to the assistant’s cousin related to Ms. Allen-McMillan, said (in a press release), “The students of NJ are not tested enough…we believe there is room for more testing.”

The test is tentatively called the NJGPMACARENA and all schools, starting in April 2024, will have one week to administer the exam.

“I know this is difficult,” said Ms. Cheryl Pasquale, assistant principal, “…we basically have one week to make sure that every HHS student is proficient in the dance known as the Macarena.”

Yes, folks: that Macarena! The dance that had people boogying on the dance floor starting in 1996.

“Students will have two chances to pass,” replied Pasquale, “…if they fail, they might need to repeat the grade. We are getting new information every single day…I believe that teachers may have to go through this process as well.”